Archive for February, 2006

NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND: The Football Version

1. ALL teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If after two years they have not won the championship their footballs and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the championship.

2. ALL kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents. ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!

3. Talented players will be asked to work out on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren’t interested in football, have limited athletic ability, or whose parents don’t like football.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th game. This will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals. No child gets ahead, so no child is left behind. If parents do not like this new law they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and to support private schools that can screen out the non-athletes and prevent their children from having to go to school with bad football players.

Tuesday, February 28th, 2006 politics, satire No Comments

News from the Post

Too many items to comment on today, but here’s the roundup of my favorites:

Montgomery County, Md, ‘Homeland Security’ officers try to police porn in local library; librarians successfully kick them out. One wonders what color their shirts were (brown, anyone?).

Virus targeting Macs is slowly spreading. My favorite quote: “One software expert who examined the bug’s code yesterday downplayed its author’s programming ability as ‘lame.'”

Economists find that ugly people are more likely to commit crimes. Can’t even really comment on this except to point it out; anything I’d say would be either too easy or too cruel.

Friday, February 17th, 2006 news No Comments

My one comment on the Veep’s shooting incident

I think Tom Toles tells it best today.

Tuesday, February 14th, 2006 politics No Comments

Credit Reports

Just a reminder, under law you are entitled to one free credit report from each of the three bureaus each year. Be careful not to go to imposter web sites, only use the one, official site, which is linked off the page I’ve linked here from the Federal Trade Commission. Folks should take advantage of that service to make sure the bureaus are reporting everything correctly, for better or for worse. These things can make or break your access to credit for all sorts of reasons, so ensure your information is correct so you’re only paying for your own mistakes (if any) and not because of erroneous information.

Friday, February 10th, 2006 finance No Comments