Dear Paranoid Co-Worker,
While we appreciate that you don’t want to touch the toilet seat with your bare ass, the building in which we work is kind enough to supply the room with toilet seat covers for just such a contingency. Your repeated use of hand towels in multiple layers to cover the seat, which almost inevitably leads to clogging of one of the three stalls in the restroom, is rude at best. We, your male co-workers, do not appreciate that you manage, on a regular basis, to take out one of the stalls and prevent the rest of us from using it. The seat covers are perfectly adequate to protecting even the most delicate of assflesh, and are designed to be flushed down the toilet, unlike the hand towels you insist upon using.
If you do not mend your ways and get with the program, we will be forced to administer an appropriate public punishment. A swirlie in the currently blocked toilet seems the most likely course of action.
Your Annoyed Co-Workers