So, yeah, frustrated at work.

Other than that, I’m gearing up for next year’s season for my newbies, and seeing how much more I need to be doing. Trying to catch up on reading (the list of materials never gets smaller!). Trying to tweak/fix my eating habits – I gained way, way too much weight over this past year, between bad eating and lack of regular, sustained training. I wish it weren’t so damned easy to eat badly in this country (and frequently so expensive to eat well, though the salad bar by weight at work has been a cheaper option than the local sandwich shop when I fill the large part of the plate with greens).

Things continue to go well with the boy. Met his family last month, made a good impression. I still spend most nights with him and his beagle up at his apartment, though not every night (do have to do laundry on occasion, after all). It’ll be interesting to see how I’m going to work this with training and my coaching stuff with the newbies. An adventure, as life should be. Made him a scarf, so he’s been deemed knit-worthy. If you want more details past that you have to check my Facebook profile.

Oh, and my favorite part of dealing with them? For the first time since about my third mortgage payment back in 2006 I’m paying my mortgage via check. Why? Because they want to charge me to make the payment online, in an amount that adds about 1% to the bill. No thanks, I’ll happily pay the USPS to deliver it instead. Dingbats.

And there’s some question why people dislike financial institutions?

Anyway. Other than that, training is going okay. My foot began to bother me a little at the end of last week, but several nights of sleeping in the brace has staved off the ever-possible plantar fasciitis. Went absolutely nuts in making soup last week, so I have gobs of the stuff in freezer bags now for easy meals later (whip up some fresh rice and heat up the soup, voila, homemade meal in no time). Curried split pea soup and African bean soup (also slightly curried, but with peanut butter in the broth – yum). Mood is much elevated thanks to regular exercise again.

Mike is looking at condos in Beantown these days. It’s been fun to watch the excitement and apprehension that goes along with that process. In a lot of ways I wish I were up there to look at places with him and watch the possibilities unfold. I did have to admit to him that I was a bit apprehensive when he first said that he was going to buy rather than rent when he moved this spring (it does make the long-distance aspect of the relationship a bit more, well, lasting for the near future), but spitting it out and talking about it with him released that anxiety. Yes, we’ll be traveling back and forth for a while to come, but I think he’s worth it.

Work has been hellacious as we move toward budget hearing time with the President’s budget coming out on Monday. Today was spent going over mind-numbing anticipatory questions and answers (the programs guessing what the Hill is going to ask us, and then answering said questions). On the one hand it’s a good picture of the overall direction of the BGA. On the other, it’s tedious and time-consuming, and one gets tired of correcting grammar and statutory reference mistakes. Eh, as long as they keep paying me. Though I do look forward to getting the ad out on the street for the other appropriations attorney position we’re supposed to be putting out. Soon. I hope. (Help!)

NTP is in full start-up mode. The newbies register on Wednesday and then the fun begins. I have two docs to edit up this week, and then we’re good to get started.

Been thinking a lot about decorating, again. Mainly paint and some minor things around the apartment. It’s been 4 years-ish since I moved in and I’ve not painted a thing. Whoops. I did come up with an idea for the color (though not the exact shade) for the bedroom this afternoon. Looked around when I got home and I think it’ll work. Not saying much past that, but I’m hopeful. Need to find someplace to do some framing for me, too (oooh, and there’s an idea for the front hall. Hmmm…). Anyway, it’s a slow process (re: 4 years, no paint), but is good to get some more concrete ideas. Oh, and cleaning out of closets will happen shortly. Lots to do, lots to do.

Celebrate the Body Erotic was, as always, a fantastic experience. Slightly smaller group, I think (28, including the staff), but the energy was fantastic. My impression was that while there were, as always, some men with wounds to explore, there seemed to be less crying and more laughter this time around on Sunday (for those who haven’t been, on the final day there’s a long, focused massage that frequently is a very strong emotional experience for those being massaged).

For my own part, I did laugh again on Sunday, but not quite as much as I did the previous two times I’ve done this workshop. The laughter started earlier in the session, but it died down and the feeling I got was more one of energy building up inside, like the qi (probably more specifically jing qi) kept accumulating until the end when I had to gather and release it upward (away from other participants). I repeatedly had to throw the energy off – it was too much to hold onto for long. But while I had it and could play with it? Wow. Even now the thought makes me tingle.

The time spent down, with good food, friendly men, fresh air, good sleep, and lots and lots of touch was exactly what I needed. With this foot injury I have been withdrawn from my body, ignoring it while it healed, and not living inside of it. Not a healthy thing to do. So getting back to that, and reconnecting with it was precisely what I needed right now (though my “you-haven’t-been-running” calves are now telling me how much I haven’t been using them today!). I’m very glad I had made the decision to do this session this year. I think I’d like to do one of the week-long ones this upcoming year.

I highly recommend these to anyone and everyone (and yes, they have them for straight folks and couples, too). It’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, but I have found it very useful in my life.

So today I’m just sort of lounging and processing. I’ll do some errands later, but in the meantime I’m enjoying just being.

Cookout at my friend L’s place in SE DC with her and her husband and their friends from the DOD. She’s one of 2 people, perhaps three that I’ve stayed in touch with from undergrad. It was good to see them both and their friends, and I enjoyed seeing them all.

I swear, I can’t get my father’s words out of my head, “We wish your attention span were longer.” That was so cutting a comment, and felt so true. Seeing people my age with kids 7 and up didn’t help. It would likely be easier if I didn’t get along with kids so well, either. I do sort of miss that, even if I don’t particularly want to raise children of my own. I wish I were closer to my nieces. i do miss seeing more of them as they grow up.

And it’s not particularly fun.

This on the heels of just having had a “what do you want to do with your life” talk with my supervisor, going over advancement possibilities, and thinking about what else I might want to do with my career. I’m fairly happy with my job, though I will admit these days to being somewhat bored with it, too. Same old issues, same old fights, and in some ways a new crew of managers coming in (not in my office, but in others I deal with) who are not quite as pleasant to work with as the ones I deal with daily now. Do I want to stick with that? But what else would I do? So frustrating.

It doesn’t help me that I’m horrible at cultivating a support network. I don’t reach out to folks as I might, and I don’t really go outside myself when dealing with a problem (save for venting here). “My problems are my problems,” my little brain says to me, “and they’re for me to deal with, alone, until they’re taken care of.” And that’s not always the best solution. In fact, it’s probably rarely the best solution. I work, maybe I go exercise, I come home, I veg, I maybe chat online, but that’s it. And I don’t think that’s enough for me.

I’m also very seriously reconsidering the IM in November. My parents are iffy, because Dad’s going to have some surgery around then and so they don’t know if they’ll be able to travel out. BC won’t be coming, obviously. And frankly, the idea of going out there for a week and coming across that finish line for something that big with no one there to greet me, celebrate with me, or just to see it happen is just not an appealing one. Yes, I wanted to do it because it’s a challenge, but I’m not sure if I like the cost at this point.

Yes, BC and I are no longer together. ‘Twas the culmination of several factors, and I fear the fault here really is mine. No freak out like the last guy I dated, but still, in the end I just wasn’t enough.

Thank you to the friends who reached out, I do appreciate that.

Today has pretty much been spent alternating between numbness and tears, not helped any by a hangover from last night’s Independence Day festivities. I just realized how little sleep I got last night from the time print on the last post – I had thought we’d crashed right after midnight, but it seems we were up a lot later than that. So for tonight some meditations on what has happened, and lots of sleep. This absolutely, positively stinks on ice, and it’s going to hurt for some time to come, and that’s not the overreaction of last night talking, either.