The past few days, and especially today, I’ve just been really down about work. I’ve also been really tired, physically, from all the work I’ve been doing with exercise and running, which is probably contributing. But in reading Brene Brown’s latest (Strong Ground) I’ve been thinking over some of the lessons from the predecessor book, Dare to Lead. There’s one particular exercise she recommends, where you drill down to the 2 factors that really motivate you as a leader. Mine were “Learning” and “Making a Difference”. And in thinking about those this week, I’m really struggling to see where those are kicking in. There’s a little bit of learning, but making a difference? Under this administration? Ugh. And given the direction and partisan polarization that both parties are indulging in (thanks, social media) I don’t really see where it’ll get better any time soon. The Mad King is sure to be nuts, one way or another, and if they retake one or both houses of Congress the other party will just make our (Federal employees) lives miserable as they try and undo some of what the Mad King is doing by flooding us with information requests. I fully expect he’s going to fire all of the “Schedule F” employees (or “Schedule P/C” as it’s now known) on his way out the door. That’s one bullet dodged, since I’m not on that employment schedule, but really, this isn’t what I signed up for when I signed on to public service.
And yes, I know this is exactly what his party wants, to drive off good people, but at a certain point you have to wonder if it’s worth dealing with the dysfunction on a personal level. I really don’t know. I also don’t know what else I would do, but I think it’s time to sit down with a financial advisor who knows Federal benefits and map out what an exit might look like.
In the meantime, I also need a rest day from exercise, so that’ll be tomorrow (and Saturday – I want to check out the local running group on Sunday morning). Based on the stream of curses I let out when I barely touched my calves with the Hypervolt massage gun this evening, they’re a little overworked. That may be contributing to the mood; it certainly isn’t helping.