Of Moose And Men
The Best Laid Plans Of Both Often Go Astray

My gut decided it didn’t want to behave for the past week. A combination of allergies, lack of exercise & water (traveled home in the midst of the remnants of hurricane Ida), change in diet (see last parenthetical), &c. just left ye olde gut very, very unhappy with me. Finally managed to calm it down yesterday morning in time to get out and enjoy the gorgeous weather with a good 20 mile ride. Also got over to the Hill and fixed the fixie, which was a relief. It’s a shame there’s not a closer hardware store, but it’s all good now so I can ride to work again without problems.

Seven months until the half iron, six until the Olympic, and nine until the IM. Time to get out of off-season mode and back to training, hence the desire to get back onto the road yesterday. I also want/need to lose a few pounds as this season progresses so working out now is as important for that as it is for base building. While I’ve done some half-assed calorie counting I haven’t gotten really serious about it yet. Need to knuckle down on all fronts and get back to being serious about being a triathlete.

Got the results in from last week’s annual physical this morning. Cholesterol is a little higher than last year, but not yet “high”. Getting toward the “should watch it, perhaps” range. Vitamin D was on the low end of normal (meaning I need to be more consistent in taking my multivitamin, since it has D, and I don’t otherwise drink D-fortified cow’s milk). Everything else was perfectly normal, as expected. The annual dermatologist appointment is tomorrow morning, to do the skin check for odd spots. Gotta love getting older.

Tomorrow I have the unenviable task of telling work folks that if we screw up on a new provision in our appropriation this year (when it ever passes and gets signed, that is) we get to report that fact to everyone and his brother because it’ll constitute a violation of the Anti-deficiency Act. Woo-hoo! As if the contracting folks weren’t nervous enough about this. Lawdy. Well, it’ll give ’em some incentive not to screw this one up, at least.

Well, after trying this once before in 2008, and massively failing owing to plantar fasciitis and a spectacular break up, I’ve signed up for another Ironman race, this time in Louisville, Kentucky. On August 29, 2010, at 7:00 am sharp I’ll hit the Ohio river and hopefully sometime before midnight I’ll finish.

Still a little bit freaked out this evening, much as I was when I first signed up for Arizona. I know I can put in the work, and frankly after the injury I think I’m better able to focus on what I need to do to get through this. I’m signed up for one other race next year at the moment, the Eagleman 70.3 (that’s a half-Ironman), and I’m hoping to get into the Columbia triathlon for the third year in a row (registration opens Tuesday). That’ll be it for tris, and I might through in a road race or two as well. I haven’t sketched out the year’s full plan as yet, because I want to get through my last race in two weeks, the Nation’s Triathlon, first. Then I’ll fill in the gaps and set things in motion.

I’ll get through this one.

Training, that is. Ran and swam yesterday, biked this morning, running a long run tomorrow. Definitely feeling it tonight; almost didn’t do laundry as planned, but managed to get off my butt and get it done (yay for clean sheets). It’s a good kind of tired though – good, honest physical exhaustion from exercise.

Work’s nuts, which seems par for the course these days. I wonder if all political transitions are this crazy or if the economy being in the crapper has substantially added to it. I’d prefer not to find out for a while. What would be nice is to stop stress eating (why couldn’t I be one of those people who can’t eat when they get stressed instead of the opposite? silly body).

Long run planned for the morning, first in a while. Was prepping things for it tonight (water bottle, etc.) and I think I need to hit Conte’s or the like and pick up nutrition this weekend – down to two gels and two things of shot blocks. Not enough to make it through training or the two races, by a long shot.

I still have a lot of stuff to process from this past two weeks. Dear Love of Comrades (DLOC) was simply amazing, and precisely what I was needing. It revealed a lot of things to me which I needed to see and experience to help clarify where I am in my life and where I might want to go. But it’s going to be difficult to reconcile those with my daily practices. There are changes I will need to make, and I’m not entirely sure where I’m going to make them yet.

Two of the big things that were revealed were the extent to which I have let fear dictate so many of my actions. Fear of change and fear of my body being at the top of that list. And then, as I dwelt on those, the incredible sense of anger I felt at how I’d let that fear dictate things, and especially anger at my body and how it sets me aside from the norm (more specifically the lactose intolerance and all the problems associated with that, and the extensive history of cancer in my family and how that affects me and my behaviors). Most of this was revealed on Friday, first during the daily movement practice before breakfast (an exercise where we were visualizing our obstacles and chopping, pushing, dropping them, and then pulling toward us what we wanted in our lives), then in a large heart circle we had before and after lunch.

I knew there were emotions that were going to be revealed as part of the week – no one gets through Body Electric without some sort of emotional experience, large or small – but I don’t think I expected these particular ones. Of course, my previous experiences with Body Electric have all been ones where I felt this overwhelming joy at the connections made. I got a lot of that joy during the week as well; the big draw we did on Wednesday was the most intense, and the most intensely erotic, that I’ve experienced to date. Unlike last fall where I felt the build up of energy in me, but didn’t know what to do with it, so released it, this time I held the energy, moved it over and around my body with my hands, and claimed it as my own. It was incredible to hold that much energy and be able to channel it rather than simply releasing it into the cosmos. I did laugh again, from giggling to full body, shaking laughter. Even thinking about the experience now, a week and a half later, gives me goose bumps. There was one moment where the masseur was working on my lower body and one of the assistants came over and put his hands under my back, helping me arch up and throw my head back as I lost track of where was up and down, simply concentrating on how awesome (and erotic) the whole thing felt. I spoke first when we were done, describing the marvelous experience I’d just had, and started by repeating the word “wow” over and over again (when asked to breathe into it, the coordinator said to breathe into “Wow to the ninth power”). I don’t normally speak first for those, but it just came bubbling out this time.

Comparing that amazing experience and connection to the much more mellow and introspective weekend after Friday’s revelation feels somewhat unfair, but they’re part and parcel of the same body of experience. There is incredible joy to be found in the connections with other people, but there are barriers I’ve erected to fully giving myself over to the connections I could be making, and I need to change that.

One of the hardest things about coming back into the Bay area from up on the mountain in Guerneville was the lack of practiced movement. Each morning at DLOC you got a choice between a walk/hike or practiced movement (yoga, sufi meditation, etc.). All but one morning I did the movement exercise, all of which were wonderful (and, as written about above, cathartic in one case). Even when we were getting together during the day we were able to move and dance and stretch, experiencing the wonder of being fully present in (and thus mindful of) our bodies. Wandering around SF I kept wanting to stop and drop into yoga poses when the feeling arose, but of course even in SF there are expectations of behavior (and public sidewalks aren’t conducive to yoga). I had to content myself with stretching my arms above and to the side when I was able, and that just wasn’t the same. I suspect one thing I’ll have to do more is that type of spontaneous stretching during the day – close my office door and take a few moments to stretch out and be present in my body. It can’t hurt, and I’m lucky to have that freedom to be able to close that door and take a brief break, even in work drag.

One thing I’ve already brought back into my life is posting those things I appreciate, both to FB and to my main countfour blog (it wasn’t like there was anything else going to it!). Just noting something every day which I’m thankful for has been a good practice. It helps to focus on the positive, and to be more mindful of the experience of living.

The school set up a yahoo group for our class, at first to share rides up and otherwise coordinate travel, but also to keep in touch after the experience. Thus far it’s been pretty busy, with folks posting regularly to describe their transition back to “normalcy”. I’m glad to have this group of men, and this forum to stay in touch with them. It’s all too easy to let these experiences slip back into the background and fall back into old patterns, and I don’t want that to happen if I can avoid it. I can’t go on living as if this had never happened; I’d be miserable if I did.

My stomach has started the pre-race jitters dance this morning. I’ve gotten up, taken delivery of a chair I ordered a couple months back (and yay for prompt delivery people – window was 8 to 12 and he was here at 2 after 8!), started assembling my race gear, and put the bike rack on the back of the mini. Weather today is sticky, and threatening rain. Tomorrow looks to be cool and damp (arm warmers have been put in the gear pile).

Once I get packet pick-up and bike drop-off done here in a bit, it’s home to finish packing, clean, and generally try to go over the race day and how things are going to go (visualizing transition is a good thing). Get to try the wet suit on and see how tight it’s going to be this year – I’ve not worn it since last July-ish, and I gained a few pounds over the non-running part of last year which haven’t quite come off yet. With it looking to be damp tomorrow I’m glad I got the new, lighter shades. Lighter in terms of tint, that is – wanted something for dimmer conditions like pre-dawn rides where the sun would be coming up, and I’d want some protection once it did, but not the full dark of my normal sunglasses. They’re perfect for this weather, protecting but not obscuring.

Will try to crash shortly after sunset this evening since I have to get up around 4 to get ready and get up to Columbia for the race in the morning. Gonna be a long day tomorrow.

What is it about traveling that always throws my system off? My hands are covered in eczema from something, likely the stress of travel and not drinking nearly enough water. Driving a ton more today, down to North Carolina to visit my grandparents and back, probably didn’t help any.

The family is doing okay, and it’s been a pleasant visit all told. My brother didn’t make it down with the younger two nieces, but I did get to see the eldest niece and give her a hard time (as well as an antique pendant for her birthday). Picked up a set of mid-century import china I’ve had my eyes on for the past 3-4 years now (dragons!), and I’m also hauling back a mounted set of moose antlers from my grandfather (a moose he evidently hunted himself in Canada some many, many years ago). Where I’m going to hang the antlers is a whole other question, but at least they fit in the back of the mini to haul back to DC. Going to have to figure out how to clean and preserve them, too – they’re a tad dusty and dry from years in an attic.

Managed to avoid having to plant walnut trees by delaying the trip until mother’s day. Sneaky, but smart. Though I’ve also missed the last good weekend to get in long training before the race next Sunday. So, I’ll just have to wing it on the 17th. I know how to do it, I know I can do all three events separately, and I’ve done this race before, so I’ll finish, but it ain’t gonna be pretty.

Had some fun on the dating front, but I’m not going into it yet. Too early to tell where it’s going, if anywhere, so aside from noting that something is happening, I’m going to leave it at that.

Sunrise through the cherry blossoms this morning on my first weekday morning ride of the year. Absolutely gorgeous.

Also pretty darned cold. My little balcony thingey says 46, though the official temperature at the airport across the river says 38. Either way, chilly when you’re cycling. I’m glad I changed my mind at the last minute and put on the fleece tights. As I sit here in the apartment my arms and toes are still a little chilled, but the shower will solve that. This was supposed to be the coldest morning this week, so I’m hopeful it won’t be this bad again this season.

Not my fastest ride ever, but the point was just to get out there and do it, not necessarily to be a speed demon on the roads. Didn’t see anyone else from the club out there (and it’s hard to miss me, between the club jersey, wind vest and arm warmers – I look like superman in the club’s blue with all the red and white on it), but that should pick up as it warms up. I thought I’d see one or two of our die hards, but perhaps they’re avoiding the Point until the blossoms are done and the tourists are gone (and yes, there were tourists out, even at that hour, catching pictures of the sun just hitting the blossoms as it came over the Washington Channel).

I’ve been cutting back on my caffeine intake again, with a goal of eliminating it from my diet during the week. I’m tired of being dependent on it to get going in the mornings, and would prefer to be able to use it more strategically and not as a “must have” drug. So far so good, though yesterday was dragging. All part of getting back to training and getting my body back into shape. I wrote off yesterday for exercise, but I want to get back to the schedule I was on last spring before the injury – MWF Run in the morning, swim in the evening (with Wed as the weekly long run), TuThSa bike, Su completely off. That worked well as I recall, and kept me on track with a single weekend day to be a complete bum (and one night to be able to go out without worrying about the next morning’s workout). I’m still on the fence about the Columbia triathlon (Olympic distance) in May, but if I can stick to that I think I can do it, even if I’ll be slow on the run.

PT again today, am doing much better, foot-wise. One thing I did was ask for new orthoses to better balance my odd little feet. He’d put a couple cushions in strategic places on my current orthoses the last time and those did seem to help (until the tape fell off). Keeping my fingers crossed.

More importantly, it was an hour in which I was able to turn off all my little electric devices and be “off-line” for a while. Felt like heaven.

Tonight I’m headed out, because I need to get the hell out of the apartment and see people other than my co-workers in a social setting. So, off to a haircut and JRs for moi now.

Thank you, DC Ofc. of Tax & Revenue, for timely processing my tax return. Thanks to that, one more student loan bit the dust tonight. Zing. Just two more to go with that company and all the private loans will be history.

Had dinner with a friend this evening whom I hadn’t seen in a while. He got all boyfriended last year, and between that and my own craziness we hadn’t seen each other in ages. It was nice to catch up, and learn some of his new haunts these days.

I think I’ve figured out a pattern for a scarf for myself. Given that I’ve knit maybe one thing for myself (the brown fingerless gloves, which I’ve not used because they need some repair), I think that’s pretty noteworthy. Well, that and the fact that I really dislike wearing scarves. They’re a necessary evil, and they always seem to be too bulky, which is why I’ve been trying to wrap my head around what I want in a scarf (thin, short, non-bulky – a bit of insulation for the neck, but not something that’ll puff out the jacket). Have to do a test swatch soon in the yarn I think I want to use (yay stash!), and then I’ll get to working it up. In the meantime I’ve made a bunch of progress on a traditional sock, and started a new hat for a friend (to match the one I already gave his boyfriend – same pattern & yarn brand, different yarn colors). Yes, I’ve had knitting on the brain.

Been doing my stability exercises as prescribed. I suspect these, like the IT band stretches before them, will become part of the overall maintenance repertoire. Not a bad thing, certainly something I’ve needed to do, so it’s good to get some direction there.

Which brings me to this race season. I’m signed up for two races at the moment, and I might do them, but I’m not going to focus a lot on racing this year. My focus needs to be more on weight loss and overall stability (i.e., injury proofing). I’ll still be training, but those two things need to be priority over actual racing, so that I can come back with a much better 2010 race season (and a healthier body overall).