Of Moose And Men
The Best Laid Plans Of Both Often Go Astray

I feel like I should feel better on a day when I mailed off a check to pay off a student loan (how tempting it was to write on the check: “From hell’s heart I stab at thee. For hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee.”), but I’m just sort of blah. Did manage to get more sleep last night, but still mildly restless. No run this morning, but planning on doing one in the heat this evening instead. Allergies haven’t helped any, either (snot much? thanks).

Work, after being all “ZOMGWTFBBQ!” for the past couple of days was relatively quiet today, with fewer instances of forehead slapping than I’ve had most of this week. I am very, very glad it’s the weekend, though. I don’t think I can handle any more (work) stupidity right now.

Thank you to my f-list folks from MN who checked in to let us know you were okay.

I decided to take a first stab at getting through the backlog of books and magazines I have in the house by cancelling daily delivery of the Post. I only get to skim the paper as it is, and daily comics aren’t worth the hassle. They, of course, tried to do everything they could to keep me on, reminding me of the specialty sections, offering to lower the rate, &c. No dice, switch it back, thanks.

Now maybe I can work through the stack. Since it’s bad when you’re getting your mail and your first thought upon seeing a magazine is “oh look, another magazine I’m not taking the time to read.”

It seems to be the season for folks’ iPods to die, based on my blog/LJ reading. Not to miss out, my heaven-knows-how-old 3rd Generation iPod is currently giving me fits. The battery’s been shot for ages, but that’s not a big deal; I only use it on a platform speaker at work (where it’s charged as it plays) or in a car (where, again, it’s plugged in to charge). I use a 1st generation shuffle (the gum stick sized ones) if I want to listen to stuff while I’m out and about, since for the most part I don’t need to see a screen to listen on the Metro or while out walking, I’m not sitting on Metro that often to need to watch things, and I’d rather lose a hundred dollar piece of equipment than a multi-hundred dollar piece were I, heaven forefend, to get robbed.

So, true to the trend, the connection with the platform speakers at work seems to be cutting in and out, which is very annoying. I just want the current iPod to keep playing as it does now, without needing a real battery, and just as a big hard drive to keep my music. Grr.

Haven’t been sleeping well this week, I think it’s the usual August heat and our AC not quite keeping up. The joys of aluminum architecture. I suspect melatonin is getting ingested this evening as I’m really not ready for another sleepless night, and I really need to be able to train, which doesn’t happen (or doesn’t happen well) when I can’t sleep.

…

There are times I want to talk about work, and times when I’m glad I can’t. Let’s just say that it’s a scary world out there, boys and girls, and leave it at that. And I don’t even get to see the really scary stuff, yet, since my big ole clearance hasn’t come through yet.

Been busy otherwise. BC and I are seeing each other usually once during the week, and then a ton of time on the weekends. He might be buying a house waaaaay out in the ‘burbs, so I shall be investigating transportation options out that way. I know I can bike it, but that’s not so viable when it gets cold out. We’ll see. The joys of not owning a car, sometimes.

Oh, and speaking of such things, I got the payoff info for one of my sub-loans from the more expensive of the two variable rate student loans companies today, so a check is going out tomorrow to pay that puppy off. A minor victory, but a victory I’ll take. Every little step like that is a step closer to being debt-free, and will help accelerate the rate of repayment on these things, so huzzah for that.

Still letting this weekend’s talk settle in. Had lots of communications back and forth in various forms with BC, which has been good. He’s easy to talk with, and we’re both still in that pleasant stage of “wow” at the moment.

Work was pretty much all spent reading over the conference report for a major bill. 410 pages. I read it on the screen rather than printing it out, and I had one killer headache by the time I finished up around five. Tomorrow it’s explaining the various policy decisions that senior leadership have to make on a section of law we’re implementing, so it’s suit time. Yuck. I mean, I like how I look in suits, but I hate wearing ties with a passion. They always make me feel like I’m being strangled, even with a decently fitting collar.

Forty more days until the half iron, and I’m feeling a bit underprepared. I know I can do the distances in all three sports, it’s the combo that’s the key. Hopefully the club’s doing a brick this weekend so I can get in another of those workouts. I feel like I’ve been slacking too much, but that’s as it will be. Definitely going to focus on fewer races next year, but for now, I just want to get through the next two big races.

So, BC and I had a talk yesterday.

Earlier in the week I had sent him an email telling him that as we’ve been dating now for almost three months I thought it might be a good idea to sit down and talk about our shared expectations about where the relationship was heading. He agreed, and so we decided we’d sit down on Saturday and have A Talk.

The day got going a bit late for both of us, him with a run in the morning and me with a bike ride with a friend, so we didn’t manage to get together until late afternoon. He came over, and we chatted casually for a bit, while we both seemed to work up the courage to start discussing what we were looking for. Finally I took the plunge.

I discussed some of what my relationship model has been for the past not-quite-a-decade since I moved into DC in 1999, how I’ve consciously sought open relationships, and how that was important to me. Then I looked him in the eye and told him I wanted to date him, and only him, and to have sex with him, and only him, at least on my side of things, if that was something to which he was amenable.

To say that he was surprised would be an understatement of immense proportions; shocked would be a good way to express his first reaction. That was what he had wanted as well, but he had been steeling himself for most of the week to hear something else, given my normal relationship model (we’d had some previous conversations about dating in the past). So when I told him that I wanted a monogamous relationship, though not in those words, it wasn’t what he’d prepped himself to hear.

Many hugs and a lot of silly grins and cuddling followed. We managed not to cry, barely, which was good (though tears wouldn’t have been inappropriate, I suppose). This is a big thing, and a big change, but it’s where I am now. I’m still just amazed at how right this has been, and how well we’ve meshed, physically and socially. I did warn him that people were going to wonder what he’s done to me, since this is very out of character for me since being in DC. He assured me he could handle it.

So, monogamy, then, for the first time in quite a long time. I’m ready for it, and looking forward to it.

The Nerd Herd from my last job gathered this evening, because one of us is getting married and moving to Peoria (!!!). It was nice to hang out with folks who know so much about each other, and who can discuss their own and each others’ love lives (and our parents’ love lives!) in a frank and humorous way. I think the parent stories were the best. We all agreed that with parents like ours we can all look forward to long and successful sex lives.

BC: So, what should we watch?
Me: Ooh, I know, let’s watch Barbarella, Queen of the Galaxy!
BC: *skeptical look* You know, I usually require that the movies I watch have stars in them…
Me: But, but, it’s got a star in it! Jane Fonda’s in it!

It’s dangerous being home with a new(ish) cookbook, a lot of time, and the desire to cook something. I think I went a little nuts about dinner for BC tomorrow. Tomato salad’s done and marinating overnight, and there’s a coffee granita in the freezer and chocolate espresso balls in the fridge. The entree is fairly simple to put together tomorrow night over pasta. Should be a good meal, though I am disappointed my oven’s not reliable enough to bake bread or I’d have done that, too.

So, why home? Because my newbies ran their goal race yesterday up in NJ, and I wanted the extra day for recovery from traveling. It was a fantastic time, everyone finished, and we continued the tradition from last year of one of ours being the last finisher on the course, with yours truly meeting them on the other side of the finish line with their medal.

Glad I took the extra recovery day, it was nice not to have to get up at o-dark-thirty this morning, as I had the previous two days, nice to get in a long run on a Monday, and nice to get out to the grocery store while it was still relatively quiet. Should’ve gone swimming, too, but one can’t do everything. Started the write up for the ride the previous weekend, but not done yet. Have to get that up this week, but not tonight. For now it’s off to bed so I can ride in the morning.

Photos from this weekend’s ride. I’ll get more details up later.

Headed out here shortly for the Food & Friends ride. I’ll be without ‘net or email, so will catch up with everyone later (will have the phone & text messaging). Have a great weekend, y’all.

I can’t stop thinking about him.

We spent almost the entire weekend together. We hung out with friends. We crashed at someone’s house. We went to breakfast at 1 pm. We went to the movies. We cuddled. We explored each other.

I turned down an offer from another hot guy tonight. I couldn’t imagine not being with him.

I’m obsessed. And I get to see him tomorrow, maybe, then not at all for at least a week.

This is so odd for me. I get into someone, but not this into someone. Not to the exclusion of all others. This is Mr. Polyamory. This is the guy who can’t seem to settle down. This is someone who’s defined by the spectacular failure of the first long-term monogamous relationship. Who doesn’t settle. And yet I can’t stop thinking about him.

Hell, I watch pr0n and my first though now is, “I’d like to be doing that with him.”

It’s unnatural.

And I love it.