Of Moose And Men
The Best Laid Plans Of Both Often Go Astray

I think I finally pinned down what it is I’ve been feeling for the past day or so, and that’s lost. Something I considered an anchor (though whether I clung to that anchor for the right reasons is a whole other story) is gone, and I’m doing the usual soul-searching that comes from such an upheaval.

And it’s not particularly fun.

This on the heels of just having had a “what do you want to do with your life” talk with my supervisor, going over advancement possibilities, and thinking about what else I might want to do with my career. I’m fairly happy with my job, though I will admit these days to being somewhat bored with it, too. Same old issues, same old fights, and in some ways a new crew of managers coming in (not in my office, but in others I deal with) who are not quite as pleasant to work with as the ones I deal with daily now. Do I want to stick with that? But what else would I do? So frustrating.

It doesn’t help me that I’m horrible at cultivating a support network. I don’t reach out to folks as I might, and I don’t really go outside myself when dealing with a problem (save for venting here). “My problems are my problems,” my little brain says to me, “and they’re for me to deal with, alone, until they’re taken care of.” And that’s not always the best solution. In fact, it’s probably rarely the best solution. I work, maybe I go exercise, I come home, I veg, I maybe chat online, but that’s it. And I don’t think that’s enough for me.

I’m also very seriously reconsidering the IM in November. My parents are iffy, because Dad’s going to have some surgery around then and so they don’t know if they’ll be able to travel out. BC won’t be coming, obviously. And frankly, the idea of going out there for a week and coming across that finish line for something that big with no one there to greet me, celebrate with me, or just to see it happen is just not an appealing one. Yes, I wanted to do it because it’s a challenge, but I’m not sure if I like the cost at this point.

I know people aren’t suppose to complain about this, but my pants are starting not to fit. As in, I’m shrinking out of them. And it’s not like I’m not eating, because I most certainly am, yet the increase in activity is changing me. For the better, mind you, but it’s annoying feeling like my pants are either going to fall off, or are staying on but too far cinched in. And it’s even better at work with the blackberry on my hip.

Completed the first 4 week cycle last week with a nice down week. Popping down definitely worked – I felt much better running this morning, though tonight’s swim was a little rough at first (wasn’t feeling balanced when I started). In any case, good stuff today, and nice to see confirmation of the wisdom of the 4 week cycle (three weeks of gradual increases with the fourth a drop back a step to recover).

In non-training stuff, BC and I headed out to a DC United game yesterday with friends. Was lots of fun (they won). Tried taking some pictures, but we were too far up to get any decent ones with my camera. Took tons of pictures on Saturday at the club’s training tri, some good, most mediocre, but it was still fun to take ’em, though I ended up napping a good bit of Saturday afternoon after it.

Looking forward to dinner with Dean tomorrow, haven’t seen him in a bit and it’ll be nice to catch up.

Heard from the parental units tonight, they’re up near the Grand Canyon in Arizona and were about to go out swimming with my niece, whom we’ve taken to referring to as “DP,” or “Disney Princess.” After an initial period they finally sat her down and had an attitude adjustment talk which seems to have helped – she was feeling full of her 11 years at the early part of the summer, so an adjustment was definitely needed. Sounded like she was doing much better, though. Also spoke with my brother earlier today (a rarity – we just don’t talk that often on the phone) and he’s doing well, which is a welcome change from last year.

Anyway, off to bed here so I can get up and bike in the morning. Pickups tomorrow – small bursts of speed surrounded by moderate biking. Speedwork is always fun, so I’m looking forward to it.

Had a really nice Memorial Day weekend. I zipped down to see my parents and my brother and his family. The drives both ways were relatively relaxed, and I was able to keep the mini on cruise control at a reasonable speed for most of them (which very much helped my gas mileage – not quite 38 mpg each way). I’ve started going down to Petersburg and cutting over on 460 to 64 rather than taking 64 down the Peninsula, and I find it a much more pleasant drive. The Peninsula always drives me nuts with it’s constant construction (I’m not kidding – they’ve been widening or fixing or doing something on that damned highway since before I learned how to drive; I hate driving there). Picked up the eldest niece on the way in and had fun scandalizing her with bad singing to Madonna. Fun times.

The parents are doing well, as is my brother (aside from meds-related weight gain, that is). Took the brother to get his belated birthday gift – running shoes. Poor guy has my feet (which is to say, flatter than the proverbial pancake), so got the exact same shoes I wear. They were on sale (yay!) at the local running store, so he got a top and socks, too. He’ll have to find his own shorts. Now I just have to find a 5k for us to do down there this November to get him going.

Past the shoe shopping trip, it was an utterly unscripted weekend. We had no need to be anywhere, no race to do, etc., so we did projects around the yard (or, rather, they did projects and I watched and/or entertained my nieces). And that had to be the best part of it – just hanging out with my family and getting a chance to just be together, without the need to be running hither and yon on someone else’s schedule.

Went through Mom’s knitting stuff. Didn’t steal any of her needles (though she has all these nice old aluminium ones which were tempting), but did take a lovely 1941 “Knit for Defense” booklet with some relatively easy patterns in it (sweaters, gloves, socks – stuff “for the troops”). Copied a couple other easy patterns on their copier/fax/scanner/printer/coffee maker/nail gun/etc. machine. Might try the baby hat pattern before I do BC’s hat, just to get in some practice. Part of the just hanging out included a ton of knitting on the scarf, with the result that I have a couple more hours and it should be done finally. It’s looking pretty good, now that I have a better idea what I’m doing.

Not a lot went on past that. Some gaming on the eldest niece’s Wii with her and my brother. A couple of movies and other bad television. Planting flowers and putting up the blueberry bushes’ bird netting. All in all the perfect little vacation, and exactly what I needed.

Dragged my ass all over Tyson’s Corner today. Multiple times. Finally settled on the Collins design from Poverty Barn. It’s a nice, simple design and had a solid feel in the hand, and wasn’t all ugly and/or frou-frou like most of the other patterns (patterns seemed to fall into two categories: 1. frou-frou crap; or 2. nice but odd feeling in the hand). The stuff is currently running through a short cycle in the dishwasher.

Did finally find Mom’s old pattern online after confirming that it was an Oneida branded pattern, called Betty Crocker: My Rose. You can see why I wasn’t terribly upset to part with it, though it’s not been an awful pattern. Not one I would have picked out, but it worked.

The only problem with the new stuff is that it had about 6 serving pieces, 4 of which were useless to me (gravy ladle, pie server, etc.). Ah well, means I get to hunt for more serving spoons when and if I need them, and can mix & match. Means a more interesting table, I think.

And yes, I do have secret dreams of being a house husband one day. Not.

Getting a tad better at the exercise routine this week. I’ve been trying to switch my schedule back to getting up earlier and getting to bed earlier. It’s gradually working, but not quite as quick as I’d like. So, it’s been evening workouts so far this week. And with another meeting with congressional staff tomorrow, the pattern will repeat again tomorrow, too – long run will be in the evening, and no swim for moi. Hopefully I’ll have the sleep back to normal next week and swimming can resume then. Hell, maybe I’ll be back to normal Friday. Who knows at this point. But it’s 214 days to the Ironman, so gotta get that set and fast.

I’ve been told asked by Mom for her old flatware back (so she can stop shuttling the stuff they have between the house and the motor home). I inherited it from them many, many moons ago when they upgraded decided to change to a different pattern. I won’t shed any tears of giving up the rose pattern, but it does mean I have to shop for the stuff, which I’m sort of dreading. I’ve looked at the stuff in the past, but never with any mind to actually buy. Now I suppose I should pick something out before I go down for mother’s day so I can present her with her flatware. Good thing she hasn’t asked for the old Pfaltzgraf or then I’d really be screwed. Though plates that weren’t vintage 70s might look nice.

BC should get back Thursday or so. Miss him a lot, it’s been a long week without regular contact.

Yesterday? Pretty much a waste. Between the heat, humidity, and the urchins I slept hardly at all, so was just in a daze for most of the day. Lots of mindless Xbox play, reading, and eventually some knitting and TV watching.

Today, on the other hand, I feel like I’ve biked half of DC. At least I biked the southern half. It was the first ride for our newbie triathletes today, so I was out on ye olde and venerable (and quite heavy) mountain bike. ‘Twas a lot of fun, and as usual I rode sweep so I got to have a good chat with the young lady at the back of the pack. We did an impromptu tire changing demonstration as well. Overall it went very well, and no one got lost or injured.

After that I zipped home, called the parental units, then it was off to Barracks Row for bike and LYS (Local Yarn Shop) shopping. I went a new route to get over there, which is slightly out of the way, but safer than riding across M street, which had been my usual route. This turned out to be a very good thing, as there is evidently a baseball game going on this afternoon, so there were tons of cars all around the stadium. That would have been most unpleasant to bike through. As it was, there were more cars on the “back roads” than there normally are, due in large part to the new temporary parking lots in that part of southeast DC. Strangely there were also a ton of cars unsuccessfully attempting to find parking on the southwest side where I live as well. I guess they didn’t see the “there is no parking except for the parking lots so take Metro, you idiots” advertising all over the place in the weeks leading up to opening day.

Finally home to some lunch and settling in for a bit. I hope to see BC at some point (dinner?) this evening, since he takes off to see his grandparents in England on Tuesday and will be gone until late the following week. Work has had us both stressed out like there’s no tomorrow, so we’ve not gotten together for a bit, not having a ton of energy left after legal writing hell for me and late nights fixing the bad accounting from his predecessor for him. Miss him lots.

Okay, when I said I was spent when it came to cleaning for the day, I so lied. The parental units called, and when I’m on the phone with them I generally have to wander the apartment and do minor straightening, which lead to cleaning off all the surfaces in my bedroom. That then lead to tossing out more crap, putting away the latest two medical devices I’ve picked up (the vertigo collar and the plantar faciitis splint), etc. Hell, I even cleaned up the pump bottles of lube by the bed so they aren’t dusty/lubey any more.

Yeah, it’s been that bad today.

I also finally tried out the screws BC got me for the PC’s CPU fan, and they worked. I had forgotten what fun it was to own a PC. Anti-virus software needed updating, there were 10 gazillion Winders updates to download, etc., etc., etc. It’s running a full scan now (not that it needs it, but Norton insisted), while I ignore the thing in the corner.

Thankfully TBS has been playing the Lord of the Ring trilogy all day, so there’s been some noise/distraction going in the background most of the day. Frodo’s just about to get gotten by the giant spider, so all’s right with the world.

Upgraded my install of WordPress, too, which managed to break the LiveJournal crossposter on the front page of the overall site. That’s what I get for following the directions and deactivating the plugins before I upgraded. I forgot to deactivate it on this portion of the site, and it’s supposedly still working. Hopefully that’s true, as I’ve liked having the dual-posting option, and the programmer who wrote the crossposter hasn’t upgraded it in a couple iterations of WordPress.

Heaven willing tomorrow at work won’t be quite as evil as it was the last two work days. I do have more writing to do, I know, but not nearly as much as this past week held. If not, I’m not sure what else I can clean.

Forgot that I got to do a video conference via iChat with my parents down in the Tampa area. They called while we were at Dad’s place to see if they should go swimming then or wait until later. Life is so rough in retirement. But the chat was a lot of fun. It’s so neat to be able to do something like that now and have it work so easily and clearly. They loved their gifts, which was fantastic, and it was a great way to visit with them for the holiday.

Wiped out. Completely wiped out. But a fun time was had in getting to here.

I spent the past three days with BC and his family. They do big stuff for the holidays, culminating in a big party the evening of the 25th at his Mom’s place. The 24th was relatively sedate – some last minute wrapping, prepping food for the next day, and some good Indian take-out for dinner. Wine and spades (the card game) after dinner, then a late bed time. The morning of the 25th bloomed with BC’s younger sister (29? 30?) coming in and announcing that Santa had come and we had to to come out to see what he brought.

At least, I’m told she did. I don’t recall it at all, and BC says I just buried my head further and snuggled up closer to him when she came in. Eventually we got up and did gift exchange with BC, his younger sister, Mom and Step-Dad. After that we cleaned up and then it was off to his oldest sister’s house for brunch and more exchanging of gifts. His brother-in-law did a fantastic job with the food, and including vegan dishes for me. Had fun picking on his niece (12 y/o), then it was off to Dad’s place.

The event at Dad’s went very well. This was the first time bringing a boyfriend to Dad’s event, and I think it went well. Step-mother’s family was in full force, and they were a trip and a half. Unfortunately there was not a damned thing there I could eat, so nibbling, just sipping of red wine over the course of the afternoon. Whew. Dad was gracious and pleasant, so was a pretty good time. Finally it was time to return to Mom’s house and the party, already in progress.

Plenty of food for me at Mom’s, which I dived into as soon as I could. And more wine. And then there was singing.

A big family tradition is the singing of carols. I have a fairly strong baritone (aided by the wine), and I’m not shy of singing in such a crowd, so I kept us mostly on key and pace, which I think Mom appreciated. No solos this year for anyone (thank heavens), but it was quite fun. At the end of the night BC volunteered the two of us to clean up and sent Mom & her husband off to bed. We got it pretty well policed, all food and dishes put away, and everything else straightened up nicely for the morning.

Slept in this morning, obviously, and thanks to lots of water at the end of the party and while cleaning, there was no hangover. And, as an added bonus, the plague that’s been stuck in my system for the last 2-3 weeks seems to have finally, finally been killed off. Late brunch, relaxing at the house with BC while his parents were at work, a good movie & cuddling. Finally came home at 5 or so.

No energy whatsoever tonight, so not going to set up the new Xbox 360, nor pop in any of the games I’m playing at the moment on the Wii. Working the next two days, and a good, long sleep tonight should be just what the doctor ordered. Get to have a talk with da bosslady this week about job prospects and how to proceed with these things. I trust her, so I know it won’t be a problem to tell her I’m considering some other options, but it’ll still be an interesting conversation.

With the plague over, hopefully there will be a return to regular training. I’ve missed getting out to run, and being active generally, and I know from past experience how much I need that activity for my physical and mental health. So, time to dig back in, and prep for the year to come.

I’m very bad at trying to pick gifts for my family. It’s an obnoxious process that taxes my patience. But anyway.

An opportunity may be arising at another Big Government Agency which I may apply for. It would be a step up in responsibilities, and a good career move. I’m not entirely certain if I’m ready for it, but there are extraneous factors which argue for applying now or missing the opportunity entirely. Given my particular specialty this isn’t surprising – a similar situation arose when my current position came open (though I was certainly much more ready to go when that one came open!). I’ve been told it’s going to be posted, so I’m keeping my eyes open, and I’ve asked a mentor (who mentioned the opening in the first place) to keep his ears open for when it’s posted so I can look it over and decide whether to apply.

I don’t look forward to polishing my resume, but that’s simply a necessary evil in the process. To be honest, the possibility is a bit intimidating. But again, this is a now-or-never kind of thing, and I think I want to try for it.